***
A famous French musician Jan Michelle Jarre is going to perform in Rome.
He comes up to the Pope and says : "I would like the weather to be fine on the day of my lazer show."
"It depends on God`s will" - the Pope answers.
Jan Michelle Jarre comes up to the Mayor of Moscow Yuri Luzhkov with the same wish.
"We are at your will" - Lujhkov answers.
***
At a bar an American is watching a Russain drinking one bowl of vodka after another.
"Are you aware of that fact that every third American has serious health problems because of alcohol?"
"I don`t care. I`m not American. I`m Russian."
***
In the Hermitage museum a guide is describing a statue:
- Look, how elegant its hand is. This gesture is like a hint: do not forget to tip your guide...
***
An African, who studies in Siberia, is interviewed by a local journalist:
- "How can you survive severe Russian winters?"
- "I can bear your green winter with grass and leaves more or less but your white winter is really unbearable."
***
Nassredin`s young wife ask asks: "Did you enjoy the pilaf i cooked for You?"
- I could if you add some meat and rice to the salt you used.
***
At the airport:
A wife of a "New Russian" is stopped by customs officer: "Excuse me, madam, but we have to check your suitecase."
- "Sorry, Sir, but this is my purse."
***
- If you make four mistakes in spelling word "loaf" it makes "beer"
(In Russia - bread is sacred type of food. It can be eaten even with pasta...)
***
- Just imagine, yesterday I came back home from work and caught my wife with a stranger in my bed. And both of them with cunning eyes! I’ve got it. Something wrong! I rushed to my fridge… Like I knew it! The bastards drank up all my beer!!!
(In modern Russia beer is much more popular among young people than vodka. There is modern saying “Vodka without beer is waste of money”)
***
- A Ukrainian and an African are sitting in a train compartment. The African takes out a banana. The Ukrainian wonders what that is, and the African shares his banana with him. The Ukrainian then takes out some salo. The African wonders what that is and asks if he may try it. The Ukrainian replies "Salo is salo, what's there to try?"
***
